*Note: This is a fwd mail !!*A Wife
A talk by Shaykh Abdullah Adhami
By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your
whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your
partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years.
She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your
dreams and your fears.
When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help,
she will do all she can for you;
When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will
give you the best advice.
She will always be with you:
When you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be
during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by
her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her
heart, mind, and soul;
when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be
her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In
short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the
closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur’anic verse which says: “they
are your garments and you are their garments” (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187).
Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one
another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the
adornment that garments provide to humans.
Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses
provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in
the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human
relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy
and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses
is simply inexplicable.
The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings
it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala, “And Allah has made for you Mates
(and Companions) of your own nature …” (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless
Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed
feelings in the hearts of the spouses.
In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala is reminding those who search for His
signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are
among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the
“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love
and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who
reflect.” (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala knows that the human heart is not a static
entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do
change with time. Love may wither and fade away.
The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in
marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant
giving from both sides.
For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has
to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam had found
the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran
him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her.
Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala for any
emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam
said “one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure
of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife.”
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting
food in your wife’s mouth, opening the car’s door for her, etc.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam used to extend his
knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening
the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala is the best guarantee
that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with
Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala will always result in having more peace at home.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam gave glad tidings
for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet
Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to
wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to
her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time
with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam
said “the best of you are those who are best to their wives.”
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until
death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but
not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what
she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved
Don’t be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife’s parents coming
to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her “I don’t like your parents.”
Naturally, she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said ” I don’t
like yours either”.
.. Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part.
Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where
those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses
(Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.
The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu ‘aliahi wa’sallaam
whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those
she loved and continued even after her death.. It was many years after her
death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his
house he would send portions of it to Khadija’s family and friends and
whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija’s sister
Hala, he would pray saying “O Allah let it be Hala.”